No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
