Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
