I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
