I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Randomize
