i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
