My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
