it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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