I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
