I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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