No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
