If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
