I want to walk on stilts...naked
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
my poor anus
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
