i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
