He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
