Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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