Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
We're too hungover to prance.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
