I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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