Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
