I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
