the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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