i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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