So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
