Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
