I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
