What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
