my phone needs a breathalizer
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
