you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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