John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
