This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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