this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
i out mim tonsoeep
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
