She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
