Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
foreskin is a definite game changer
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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