good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
