I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
