ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
You're earring is so big in my mouth
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
