This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
These tits shall not be calmed
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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