I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
