just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
