I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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