I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
