I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
