I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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