i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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