I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
