i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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