ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
FUCK WHALES
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
