If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
