Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
