I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
