It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
NoShamevember. You game?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
