You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
