he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
