He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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